Life as A Convict

Hey guys, how-di-do, how’s your life been? I don’t want to hear any of it though. Miss me?  Well to be honest I’ve just been lazy to type and all, and its not easy going round with Rihanna to launch River Island stores around, then come back and satisfy Meagan and later go over to Ciara’s where she uses my body as her party. Trust me; my life is not a tad easy.

As I’ve been saying in my former posts, I’ve been working on a new semi-fictional series and all, and the thought hit me that this blog is for you all and it would be great if you all could get your own experiences on here, I am quite sure you love reading about my misfortunes and all but why don’t we read yours? So if you have any stories, experiences etc that you want to share, kindly mail me at Pietrosparks@gmail.com . You can decide to be anonymous or not in the post, depends on you. So I’ll be expecting those mails oh.

 Y’all know my life in secondary school wasn’t bliss to start with, it was hell, if you don’t understand what I’m saying, just read all this

To be honest, Secondary school was fun, had its ups and downs but the downs far far outnumbered the ups , and sharing the ups with you guys ain’t no fun , although beating juniors was fun as hell; their resounding cries fuelling the desire to beat and punish them even more but that’s not what I’m about today.

It was a typical Saturday night when I was in SS1, and people were at the hall “watching” movies which nearly the whole school couldn’t see except the ss3 student in front of course, due to the fact that it was like a puny 32” TV, serving like 2,000 students. It was pointless going, and I heard they were punishing my mates somewhere so it was more like an escape, taking all this factors into consideration, I chilled in one dark class near my hostel, waiting for socials to finish so students could go to hostel, where the seniors would do all sorts of beating and shouting, then I’ll sneak in after all the bullshit. I waited and waited , went down to the farm, drank water from the tap, came back, they hadn’t still finished, so I decided to lay down and gaze at the stars, thinking of the day Ill leave all this bullshit. The ‘Lay-down’ turned to “zzzzzz” and the next thing; I woke up around 12am in the dark class, sighting no soul outside. I wasn’t so scared cos my hostel was just a stone-throw away. So I went to the hostel where almost every body had gone to bed, besides the SS2 and SS3 students that were still up cooking, punishing juniors, gisting amongst “Other things”. I went to my locker where I was arranging my stuffs and was about to soak Garri when one man entered the hostel, walked down to my room and said I was cooking. I was likefrabz-WHAT-THE-FUCK-12f2ab

I explained that I was about to soak garri, the man didn’t even show any sign of pity, he continued, telling me that I should bring out what I was cooking and I told him I wasn’t cooking anything, he therefore searched my locker and saw my cup of garri and water which I had left to swell so I could go to bed a happy man. He told me to stand outside while he went to round up other students that were “cooking” , I stood outside, and after rounding up some innocent and not so innocent people, he marched us to a military mans house. On our way, he saw another man which caught my mates stealing boiled eggs which we were to have alongside bread for breakfast. So we were marched all together to the military mans house. On getting there, we waited out in the cold for close to an hour before the man came out, he didn’t even chill to hear our stories, I guess he thought all of us had gone to steal egg, so he told them to march us to the main gate where they locked us in jail. We were like 5 students in the cell measuring roughly bigger than the mobile public toilets we have here in Nigeria. There was a toilet nearby that stunk like decayed shit, diffusing its odor into the cell and eating away our sanity minute by minute. All we could do was lament and lament, trying to explain to the guards, which weren’t even ready to listen to any crap; meanwhile the “Egg guys” just sat down and reasoned life. Even in the cell there was seniority, there were like 2 SS2 students, then 3 of us SS1 students. They demanded we squeeze ourselves in corners while they enjoyed the small sleeping space left. I ended up sleeping kinda like thisSleeping on the wall

 

Man the mosquitoes were beyond what I had ever experienced in my entire life, they could see in the dark perfectly, looking for every means to get their mouths down your skin, I slept “Roughly awake” throughout the night, while the mosquitoes buzzed around.

The next day was a Sunday, and the guys were all dressed in their white and whites, while we were being marched down to the galley where we were to collect our food and go back to the cell to eat. Some people had heard about the egg gist and were now looking at me like I stole egg too, to make things worse, the man that caught the ‘Egg boys’ worked in the galley and was shouting “Look at them, they are the ones”, pointing in a manner that highlighted all of us, I just squeezed face like a convict badass nigga and collected my food, ignoring every soul and went back to the cell.

Later in the day, the Guard officer came to hear our complaints half-heartedly, calling the man that caught us to hear his own story. The man insisted that we were cooking, but do you know the funny thing, I later found out that the aroma was coming from the other hostel not too far from my hostel, so it was either bad luck at its best or they were trying to follow me from my village. After going back and forth on our case, the fact that there was no evidence that we were even cooking was a major factor, therefore setting us free. Around 8pm, we were set free while the ‘Egg boys’ remained to face judgment because theirs was obvious. The “Egg boys” were almost expelled but eventually, it was brought down to suspension after numerous pleas from their parents/guardians. One of the ‘Egg boys’ is one of my G’s. Anyways on the plus side, I’m an Ex-convict, yunno how we badguys do ;).

 

If you enjoyed today’s post, you can kindly subscribe to the blog so you never miss out on any post. Please, I would be waiting for your mails, feel free to share your experience, and you can also follow me on twitter @Pietrosparks. Ciao

New Hairstyle

Hey guyssss. Whats good, hows your life been so far, missed me? I doubt that. I’ve been working helter skelter to get my nigga Garreth Bale to Real Madrid, and I also acted as intermediary for Özil to go to Arsenal, so the past few days have been hectic as hell, even meagan misses me on bed, well generally she misses me and I miss her and the kids as well.
I’m sure most girls dont even know what I’m talking about, there’s always Google, do your research and undull.
So here’s the thing guys, today’s post wont be long atall. I wont even call it a post to begin with but hell yeah its a post, so just enjoy and tell me what you think okay?

So remember how I told you guys here that I wasn’t going to cut my hair till I was extremely rich, then I’ll get one of these fine american models to oil my head and rub it to a distinctive shine? Well the thing is, over the weekend , I thought It was time I grew a  natural un-relaxed fro i.e No treatment has been done  on the hair, and due to some other circumstances, I walked to the barber and told him to give it to me. Yeah, give me the Skin cut, popularly known on here as desert. Even the barber was shocked and asked me up to 3 times if I was sure, each time with doubt I reassured him. Well after the Cut, I felt so light headed, I could feel the breeze, It was like I was in touch with the earth but you know what, A peng nigga turned Ugggggg. Yep. Viewers, your homeboy, badman T is now an Ugg monster. Well ive been ug from start so its not new 😦
Oh well see some pictures .

Before

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After

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Yeah. You’ve had your laugh ,my head is like ball right, you can bounce it to hell and back. I am using this as a medium to you all, Cut your hair and come and feel the earth, itthe new cool, dont you see how people die for Banky W, 1 for his head, then other factors follow.Babes will even check you out more, girls too can cut their hair, don’t you see how Amber Rose pulls the lowcut/Skin hairstyle off so gorgeously. I even look like Vin diesel now, with the body, head etc. 😉 You know how we do.
Well if you think I’m stupid or sick you are free to @ me on that. So anyhow the question is “Yay or Nay”?

Anyways, if you enjoyed today’s post, Subscribe to the blog so you never have to miss a post, drop your comments, follow me @pietrosparks on twitter and have a wonderful day.

Its that time of the year again (VMA’S 2013)

Hey Guysss, how are you, did you miss me?, I’m sure you didn’t, not a single one of you, you didn’t eve think of me all through summer, you couldn’t @ or DM me that lets hangout (that you’ll cover all expenditure), Man y’all are just ridiculous. If you ask me if I I missed you guys, ughhhguess-what-i-dont-give-a-fuck

So sorry I couldn’t drop write-ups, had issues, had to clear my head, I and Meagan (Good) just finished picking a name for our baby coming soonest. Meagan is so picky with names, but man she can pick all she wants cos she is wife material, and god blessed me with Aphrodite here on earth. And yeah I went for one Camp like that , yunno we have to become good Christians and come and save all of you , I’ve been working on my new song (if you like think I’m joking) #Ubuntu, spread the word.

As I said earlier on my previous post, ill be starting a new series which will probably last a month, a post or two per week, but i’ll still be up on the random stuff. Anyways just letting y’all know.

If this is the first time you’re on this blog or you just want to see my sexy names here you go, you can call me Theo/Pietro/BadMan T/MrGivingYouAllUDisayya/Mike Ross’ Bro/Mr Sexzyyy and you’re welcome to PietroSpeaks, Some say my name gives them mouth orgasms, oh well the lord is with you.

The thing is , the post I intended for today has been pushed to tomorrow because I cant help but talk about the Vma’s that went down like 2 nights ago.

For yall that don’t know, the 2013 VMA’s (Video Music Awards) took place at Brooklyn, and its one of those award nights that bring tons of artistes, directors etc; for one night of entertainment and reward, this year apparently some things caught my attention that, I have to talk about one after the other and you can relax and get popcorn or whatever.

LADY GAGA

Now gaga was the first major performer that night performing her new song “Applause”. She came up on stage looking like cardboard, (well she is a cardboard in real terms (flat)), with her male dancers that seem gay to me, their looks, their dressing, even one had his dick almost up in the air, it’ll be a pity if it was up for Gaga, I mean Gaga is getting old and she is looking dead to accompany the age and stuff. Through out the performance all I could imagine were the stretch marks on her boobs which I saw in one picture, oh well she was on bikini through out the Awards, I guess that’s a good thing.

MILEY CYRUS

Sayyy wahhh. Man this babe is definitely on crack, this young Hannah Montana babe like 3 years ago has turned to the flat white chick on crack that “cant stop”. At first when I heard she went all twerky and dirty on robin thicke, i was like36973285

But after watching

move-bitch-get-out-the-way

Her case is special so I have to break it down

  1. I thought she was going all wild and stuff which I like, but eventually I figured she was just being stupid. Sticking tongue up in the air like her father or doctor forced chloroquin (malaria medicine) down her throat. Robin thicke was jejely doing like he didn’t know her as she was spoiling performance and spoiling the song as well
  2. She was looking like a Ho, yes a ho. I mean, if you’re gonna get wild and dirty on stage, wear a nice bikini or extreme crop top or you can ask my step wife (Rihanna) to give you tips , but noo she had to go and borrow brown elastic waterproof bikini from Disney studios. I mean, she is flat as hell, and she is wearing elastic bra that pushes the very little she has back. Then she was taking her finger down to her privates like she was trynna tease us. ugh epic fail. I can’t even finish her own. Iss too mushh. Here is a pic shar

Miley-Cyrus-performance-at-MTV-VMA-2013-2223057

KEVIN HART

Now this nigga is like the most popular short black comedian out there but the thing is , I think he tries too hard to be funny, I laugh at times but still I think he just like to talk.

He first went on like “I never knew lady gaga got asss mehn, she’s got ass”.  Man this was just pure sarcasm or yabbs, and I’m sure gaga would be feeling herself on her seat, her happiness making her ass and boobs grow by a centimeter.

Then he busted some lines hoping Kendrick would call him out. See mad man, when I never find reply for Kendrick wey call me out, na You wan find Calling, baba easy ohh.

LIL KIM

Man, this babe disappeared from the horizon for many years up till 2 nights ago, she was looking like a Barbie doll up on stage yesterday (I hate Barbie dolls), But man, the highlight was that ass / Hips . maannnnnnnn. Those hips can open the gates of heaven, Cure Hiv, Break Coke Bottle , Restore Virginity, Avert Poverty. Oh my!!! the good part is I have Meagan at home, she can serve me right too. Here is a sneek peek mannnn music-mtv-vma-2013-11_1

ONE DIRECTION

I don’t know where to start with these niggas, first of all I like one or 2 of their songs and im no hater, but man they act gay at times and I don’t even think they deserved an award. They were listed as worst boy band ever and still they won a moon man for song of the summer. I haven’t even heard the dirty song, then girls will come and be shouting “Zayn Malik” awwn “Liam Payne” awwwwwwn… Its okay , when #Ubuntu Drops you people will shout all of my names too

Men there were many highlights. Justin Timberlake was just splendid, Macklemore cleared my idea of him being gay a bit and Kanye west wasn’t performing, he was just shouting, and drake was boning all through like he was about to drop one of his soulful songs, maybe cos he didnt win . Anyways this is my own opinion, you can kill your self if you no like .

Before I round up pata pata, I want to give a shalla to Melvin and Beverly #BBA . I didn’t watch the show one day but still just gatts shalla. Sorry Melvin, Try again, you might just win finally, and Bev I’ll do all you did to get a shot at that $300,000 (N48,000,000), anyways I’m going for BBA next year, I’m just using style to tell you people to vote for me next year okay.

Oh well hope you enjoyed this, follow me on twitter @pietrosparks , Subscribe to this blog so you never miss a post, Tweet my links, Spread the word , BC , BBM, Gossip. Anyways till next time I remain Theo . Enjoy and thanks for the suport.