Life as A Convict

Hey guys, how-di-do, how’s your life been? I don’t want to hear any of it though. Miss me?  Well to be honest I’ve just been lazy to type and all, and its not easy going round with Rihanna to launch River Island stores around, then come back and satisfy Meagan and later go over to Ciara’s where she uses my body as her party. Trust me; my life is not a tad easy.

As I’ve been saying in my former posts, I’ve been working on a new semi-fictional series and all, and the thought hit me that this blog is for you all and it would be great if you all could get your own experiences on here, I am quite sure you love reading about my misfortunes and all but why don’t we read yours? So if you have any stories, experiences etc that you want to share, kindly mail me at Pietrosparks@gmail.com . You can decide to be anonymous or not in the post, depends on you. So I’ll be expecting those mails oh.

 Y’all know my life in secondary school wasn’t bliss to start with, it was hell, if you don’t understand what I’m saying, just read all this

To be honest, Secondary school was fun, had its ups and downs but the downs far far outnumbered the ups , and sharing the ups with you guys ain’t no fun , although beating juniors was fun as hell; their resounding cries fuelling the desire to beat and punish them even more but that’s not what I’m about today.

It was a typical Saturday night when I was in SS1, and people were at the hall “watching” movies which nearly the whole school couldn’t see except the ss3 student in front of course, due to the fact that it was like a puny 32” TV, serving like 2,000 students. It was pointless going, and I heard they were punishing my mates somewhere so it was more like an escape, taking all this factors into consideration, I chilled in one dark class near my hostel, waiting for socials to finish so students could go to hostel, where the seniors would do all sorts of beating and shouting, then I’ll sneak in after all the bullshit. I waited and waited , went down to the farm, drank water from the tap, came back, they hadn’t still finished, so I decided to lay down and gaze at the stars, thinking of the day Ill leave all this bullshit. The ‘Lay-down’ turned to “zzzzzz” and the next thing; I woke up around 12am in the dark class, sighting no soul outside. I wasn’t so scared cos my hostel was just a stone-throw away. So I went to the hostel where almost every body had gone to bed, besides the SS2 and SS3 students that were still up cooking, punishing juniors, gisting amongst “Other things”. I went to my locker where I was arranging my stuffs and was about to soak Garri when one man entered the hostel, walked down to my room and said I was cooking. I was likefrabz-WHAT-THE-FUCK-12f2ab

I explained that I was about to soak garri, the man didn’t even show any sign of pity, he continued, telling me that I should bring out what I was cooking and I told him I wasn’t cooking anything, he therefore searched my locker and saw my cup of garri and water which I had left to swell so I could go to bed a happy man. He told me to stand outside while he went to round up other students that were “cooking” , I stood outside, and after rounding up some innocent and not so innocent people, he marched us to a military mans house. On our way, he saw another man which caught my mates stealing boiled eggs which we were to have alongside bread for breakfast. So we were marched all together to the military mans house. On getting there, we waited out in the cold for close to an hour before the man came out, he didn’t even chill to hear our stories, I guess he thought all of us had gone to steal egg, so he told them to march us to the main gate where they locked us in jail. We were like 5 students in the cell measuring roughly bigger than the mobile public toilets we have here in Nigeria. There was a toilet nearby that stunk like decayed shit, diffusing its odor into the cell and eating away our sanity minute by minute. All we could do was lament and lament, trying to explain to the guards, which weren’t even ready to listen to any crap; meanwhile the “Egg guys” just sat down and reasoned life. Even in the cell there was seniority, there were like 2 SS2 students, then 3 of us SS1 students. They demanded we squeeze ourselves in corners while they enjoyed the small sleeping space left. I ended up sleeping kinda like thisSleeping on the wall

 

Man the mosquitoes were beyond what I had ever experienced in my entire life, they could see in the dark perfectly, looking for every means to get their mouths down your skin, I slept “Roughly awake” throughout the night, while the mosquitoes buzzed around.

The next day was a Sunday, and the guys were all dressed in their white and whites, while we were being marched down to the galley where we were to collect our food and go back to the cell to eat. Some people had heard about the egg gist and were now looking at me like I stole egg too, to make things worse, the man that caught the ‘Egg boys’ worked in the galley and was shouting “Look at them, they are the ones”, pointing in a manner that highlighted all of us, I just squeezed face like a convict badass nigga and collected my food, ignoring every soul and went back to the cell.

Later in the day, the Guard officer came to hear our complaints half-heartedly, calling the man that caught us to hear his own story. The man insisted that we were cooking, but do you know the funny thing, I later found out that the aroma was coming from the other hostel not too far from my hostel, so it was either bad luck at its best or they were trying to follow me from my village. After going back and forth on our case, the fact that there was no evidence that we were even cooking was a major factor, therefore setting us free. Around 8pm, we were set free while the ‘Egg boys’ remained to face judgment because theirs was obvious. The “Egg boys” were almost expelled but eventually, it was brought down to suspension after numerous pleas from their parents/guardians. One of the ‘Egg boys’ is one of my G’s. Anyways on the plus side, I’m an Ex-convict, yunno how we badguys do ;).

 

If you enjoyed today’s post, you can kindly subscribe to the blog so you never miss out on any post. Please, I would be waiting for your mails, feel free to share your experience, and you can also follow me on twitter @Pietrosparks. Ciao

Its that time of the year again (VMA’S 2013)

Hey Guysss, how are you, did you miss me?, I’m sure you didn’t, not a single one of you, you didn’t eve think of me all through summer, you couldn’t @ or DM me that lets hangout (that you’ll cover all expenditure), Man y’all are just ridiculous. If you ask me if I I missed you guys, ughhhguess-what-i-dont-give-a-fuck

So sorry I couldn’t drop write-ups, had issues, had to clear my head, I and Meagan (Good) just finished picking a name for our baby coming soonest. Meagan is so picky with names, but man she can pick all she wants cos she is wife material, and god blessed me with Aphrodite here on earth. And yeah I went for one Camp like that , yunno we have to become good Christians and come and save all of you , I’ve been working on my new song (if you like think I’m joking) #Ubuntu, spread the word.

As I said earlier on my previous post, ill be starting a new series which will probably last a month, a post or two per week, but i’ll still be up on the random stuff. Anyways just letting y’all know.

If this is the first time you’re on this blog or you just want to see my sexy names here you go, you can call me Theo/Pietro/BadMan T/MrGivingYouAllUDisayya/Mike Ross’ Bro/Mr Sexzyyy and you’re welcome to PietroSpeaks, Some say my name gives them mouth orgasms, oh well the lord is with you.

The thing is , the post I intended for today has been pushed to tomorrow because I cant help but talk about the Vma’s that went down like 2 nights ago.

For yall that don’t know, the 2013 VMA’s (Video Music Awards) took place at Brooklyn, and its one of those award nights that bring tons of artistes, directors etc; for one night of entertainment and reward, this year apparently some things caught my attention that, I have to talk about one after the other and you can relax and get popcorn or whatever.

LADY GAGA

Now gaga was the first major performer that night performing her new song “Applause”. She came up on stage looking like cardboard, (well she is a cardboard in real terms (flat)), with her male dancers that seem gay to me, their looks, their dressing, even one had his dick almost up in the air, it’ll be a pity if it was up for Gaga, I mean Gaga is getting old and she is looking dead to accompany the age and stuff. Through out the performance all I could imagine were the stretch marks on her boobs which I saw in one picture, oh well she was on bikini through out the Awards, I guess that’s a good thing.

MILEY CYRUS

Sayyy wahhh. Man this babe is definitely on crack, this young Hannah Montana babe like 3 years ago has turned to the flat white chick on crack that “cant stop”. At first when I heard she went all twerky and dirty on robin thicke, i was like36973285

But after watching

move-bitch-get-out-the-way

Her case is special so I have to break it down

  1. I thought she was going all wild and stuff which I like, but eventually I figured she was just being stupid. Sticking tongue up in the air like her father or doctor forced chloroquin (malaria medicine) down her throat. Robin thicke was jejely doing like he didn’t know her as she was spoiling performance and spoiling the song as well
  2. She was looking like a Ho, yes a ho. I mean, if you’re gonna get wild and dirty on stage, wear a nice bikini or extreme crop top or you can ask my step wife (Rihanna) to give you tips , but noo she had to go and borrow brown elastic waterproof bikini from Disney studios. I mean, she is flat as hell, and she is wearing elastic bra that pushes the very little she has back. Then she was taking her finger down to her privates like she was trynna tease us. ugh epic fail. I can’t even finish her own. Iss too mushh. Here is a pic shar

Miley-Cyrus-performance-at-MTV-VMA-2013-2223057

KEVIN HART

Now this nigga is like the most popular short black comedian out there but the thing is , I think he tries too hard to be funny, I laugh at times but still I think he just like to talk.

He first went on like “I never knew lady gaga got asss mehn, she’s got ass”.  Man this was just pure sarcasm or yabbs, and I’m sure gaga would be feeling herself on her seat, her happiness making her ass and boobs grow by a centimeter.

Then he busted some lines hoping Kendrick would call him out. See mad man, when I never find reply for Kendrick wey call me out, na You wan find Calling, baba easy ohh.

LIL KIM

Man, this babe disappeared from the horizon for many years up till 2 nights ago, she was looking like a Barbie doll up on stage yesterday (I hate Barbie dolls), But man, the highlight was that ass / Hips . maannnnnnnn. Those hips can open the gates of heaven, Cure Hiv, Break Coke Bottle , Restore Virginity, Avert Poverty. Oh my!!! the good part is I have Meagan at home, she can serve me right too. Here is a sneek peek mannnn music-mtv-vma-2013-11_1

ONE DIRECTION

I don’t know where to start with these niggas, first of all I like one or 2 of their songs and im no hater, but man they act gay at times and I don’t even think they deserved an award. They were listed as worst boy band ever and still they won a moon man for song of the summer. I haven’t even heard the dirty song, then girls will come and be shouting “Zayn Malik” awwn “Liam Payne” awwwwwwn… Its okay , when #Ubuntu Drops you people will shout all of my names too

Men there were many highlights. Justin Timberlake was just splendid, Macklemore cleared my idea of him being gay a bit and Kanye west wasn’t performing, he was just shouting, and drake was boning all through like he was about to drop one of his soulful songs, maybe cos he didnt win . Anyways this is my own opinion, you can kill your self if you no like .

Before I round up pata pata, I want to give a shalla to Melvin and Beverly #BBA . I didn’t watch the show one day but still just gatts shalla. Sorry Melvin, Try again, you might just win finally, and Bev I’ll do all you did to get a shot at that $300,000 (N48,000,000), anyways I’m going for BBA next year, I’m just using style to tell you people to vote for me next year okay.

Oh well hope you enjoyed this, follow me on twitter @pietrosparks , Subscribe to this blog so you never miss a post, Tweet my links, Spread the word , BC , BBM, Gossip. Anyways till next time I remain Theo . Enjoy and thanks for the suport.

Secondary School Stories PT 5 (Encounter with God)

Hey guys, HAPPY NEW MONTH, how have y’all been. sorry I haven’t posted in a while, I’ve been on hiatus, besides I’ve been on vacation with Rihanna and Le Boo, did you see me and RiRi at the Barbados carnival, damn it was fun. Before that, I was in bible school for a week and I am proud to say I am a changed soul now, and in today’s post I am going to change your life and bring you closer to the father o:) . Anyways for y’all reading this for the first time. My name is Theophilus or Theo in short.  I am Mike Ross‘ brother aka Mr. Giving You All You Disayyyaaa. Think I’m lying? Ask them ;). Well I’m going to be starting a new series on this blog besides my random talk, just telling y’all to anticipate alright.

MY “ENCOUNTER WITH GOD” AKA SCARED SHITLESS.

So this story dates back to when I was in SS3, that’s like a year ago and as the header tells, I was scared shitless due to the events which you’re about to read. VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED.

So It was the period after WAEC when my stupid school didn’t allow us to go for break before NECO, we begged and begged but to no avail, so we accepted our fate and died slowly in school. Due to the fact that there was no money, no girls, and that people were home and we were suffering in school, people started clearing their matters through fights, blood splattering on the walls of the hostel, food coolers started “flying” and other supernatural things, School had become a warzone.

I started going for prayer meeting and stuff, since I had the time obviously and I was trying to become a better person and pray for good result too. So I went that faithful Saturday evening for prayer meeting, there was singing, lots of prayers and stuff like that. After about 2 hours, we finished and were about to go to the hostel when the chapel president told all SS3 boys to wait. After waiting like 10 minutes, he told us to come to the back of our hostel where there was one big tree that had the kind of hole that took Alice to wonderland. Now the thing about trees in my school is that they were always given one superstitious gist or the other. The tree at the back of my hostel in Jss1 was said to be able to sing in the night, another able to walk, another be able to produce over ripened mangoes that kill and that it could possess you if you ate the mangoes, mostly called bullshit on all of them. So here we were, the guy was telling us to pray on the tree, that there were demons inside that were doing meeting and a war had begun. First of all it was around 10.30pm and there was little or no light around there and that alone made scared shitless. Other students were in their hostels and we were the only ones outside their hostels in school. Sha sha we started praying , and we were stopping at intervals to take prayer points when the lights in school went off. Gaddemn I was like

Scared Shitless

I started hearing sounds and stuff. I just died when they saw one white bird near the tree and they claimed that it was one of the demons and that they should kill it. In my mind I was like why kill the bird, did it transform in front of you? , cos I am not a “strong believer” to that extent and I believe it could have just had a broken leg or stuff like that. They sha killed the bird. We started praying again, when someone screamed that something touched him, the guy started crying saying that someone touched him, a supernatural being, and that he heard a voice call out or stuff like that,(cant remember much). At that point I wanted to cut the chain and leave, go to hostel and sleep. I couldn’t take the mental trauma, but I couldn’t go to hostel alone, I didn’t want anything “Touching me”, so I decided to stay. We started singing and praying in the night again. Now this thing seemed like a “Meeting” to me, when suddenly another person shouted “My Leggggggggg”, it was like “spiritual” arrow had hit him, and he went on “I wont stop praising my God, You people shall not succeed, I shall not fall, I shall not fall” , believe me, as I type this story, it still sends chills down my spine.

At this point, My heart was in my Ass, I couldn’t breathe, I was depending on the fact that we were holding hands and that gave me a sense of togetherness, and I was even damnnnnn more scared as fuckkkkkkk when we were not holding hands. Finally after about like 1 hour of firing prayers like it was MFM, they finally concluded that “As you are here today, as you have partook in this, if you ever leave the lord, *****” (I can’t remember) but it sounded like a threat to me. Another person just shouted “ he is speaking to me , he said if you leave me ********* “ but it was concerning giving your life to Christ, and another person said “as you go to your rooms today, clean up as the angel of the lord is going to be passing or else the wrath of the Lord will befall you”. “The Exorcism” of probably the tree or whatever was under it besides worms and organic matter finally came to an end, and we sang praises to the hostel where people had been hearing every single thing that had been going on outside, they too were scared to their balls. Eventually we cleaned up and we were so scared that we had to sleep side by side; some couldn’t sleep throughout the night, and let’s not forget that there wasn’t light. But trust boys, 3 days later, we were back to cooking in the hostel (we cook better than most girls), Jumping fence amongst other things ;). Sha I reduced my participation I such things and stuck to praying on my own and Sunday church service, yes, no extracurricular activities, I needed to stay sane abeg. Trust me the whole shit was far more intense than it looks like but I can’t explain it to depth. I’m so happy I’ve left that jungle.

Anyways till next time guys, anticipate my new series, follow @pietrosparks on twitter , read-Up , share the links with your friends, Facebook, BBM, BC, RT, anything at all. You can also subscribe so you never have to miss out on any posts. Thanks for the support, I remain Theo.